Coping with Your Parents’ Divorce as an Adult

Even as an adult, learning that your parents are divorcing can be both shocking and distressing. The realisation that you may not have been aware of underlying problems—and the uncertainty surrounding what lies ahead—can stir up a host of emotions. Below, we outline some practical strategies to help you navigate this difficult period, maintain healthy relationships, and move forward in a positive way.

1. Dealing with Emotional Turmoil

  • Acknowledge Your Feelings
    Allow yourself to feel sadness, anger, confusion, or even guilt. Recognise these emotions rather than suppress them; bottling them up can lead to bigger challenges later on.

  • Seek Support
    Whether you turn to a trusted friend, another family member, or a professional counsellor, sharing your feelings can help you process them. It’s often beneficial to hear an outside perspective and receive emotional support.

  • Practice Self-Care
    Take care of both your physical and mental health. Eat a balanced diet, exercise regularly, and engage in hobbies or activities that bring you joy. These habits can provide stability in an otherwise uncertain time.

2. Maintaining Healthy Relationships

  • Avoid Taking Sides
    While it may be tempting to place blame or become a mediator, it’s rarely productive. Staying neutral helps maintain a sense of balance and prevents additional strain on your relationships with each parent.

  • Communicate Effectively
    Keep lines of communication open by voicing your feelings calmly, while also listening to your parents’ viewpoints. This balanced approach can help foster understanding, even if you don’t always agree.

  • Set Boundaries
    It’s important to define clear boundaries with both parents and other family members. Doing so can help reduce conflict, ensuring that your relationships remain as constructive and supportive as possible.

3. Moving Forward Positively

  • Focus on the Present
    Rather than dwelling on what has happened or worrying about what might come, concentrate on the here and now. Identify what you can influence and let go of what you cannot.

  • Set Goals
    Whether they relate to your career, personal development, or family connections, clearly defined goals can help you feel more in control and optimistic about the future.

  • Seek Professional Help, If Needed
    If you find it difficult to move on, consider talking to a therapist or counsellor. They can offer coping strategies tailored to your circumstances and help you plan for a more positive future.

How HM & Co. Solicitors Can Support You

HM & Co. Solicitors understands that a family breakdown is challenging for all involved—even adult children. If you need legal advice or guidance on how best to manage family dynamics during your parents’ divorce, we are here to help:

HM & Co. Solicitors
186 Lower Road, Surrey Quays
London SE16 2UN

Telephone: 02071128180
Email: info@hmsolicitorsltd.com

By focusing on self-care, healthy communication, and forward-looking plans, you can navigate your parents’ divorce with resilience and come out stronger on the other side.

Your Questions, Answered

FAQs

Divorce FAQs

What is divorce?

Divorce is the legal process of ending a marriage through a court application. Once granted, both individuals are no longer legally married. However, certain legal obligations—such as maintenance orders or child arrangement orders—may still apply after divorce.

How do you get divorced?

There are four main stages in the divorce process:

  1. Complete a divorce application (Form D8) as a sole or joint applicant and pay the court fee (currently £593).
  2. Apply for a conditional order after your spouse acknowledges the application and a 20-week waiting period passes.
  3. Apply for a final order (6 weeks after the conditional order), which legally ends the marriage.

Keep in mind that divorce itself does not settle financial matters or child arrangements. A separate financial settlement and any necessary child arrangements must be made.

What are the grounds for divorce?

In England and Wales, a no-fault divorce system is in place. You only need to state that your marriage has irretrievably broken down, without assigning blame.

What is a 'divorce application'?

A divorce application (Form D8) initiates the divorce process. You can apply on your own (sole applicant) or jointly with your spouse. If you receive an application, you become the respondent. Applications can be made online or by post, and a court fee of £593 applies at the time of writing.

Can I get divorced?

To be eligible for a divorce or to dissolve a civil partnership, you must have been married or in the civil partnership for at least 12 months. If you haven’t reached this timeframe, you may be able to annul the marriage or seek a judicial separation.

Can we just separate? I don’t want a divorce.

If you separate without divorcing, you remain legally married and financially linked. Divorce-related financial claims remain open and can be dealt with later. Judicial separation is an option that allows you to remain married but legally separate. However, it is rarely used. Obtaining a divorce fully ends the marriage, although resolving financial matters requires a separate financial order.

I am in a same-sex marriage or civil partnership. Does this affect the process?

The process for ending a same-sex marriage or civil partnership is the same as for opposite-sex marriages.

There is violence in my relationship. What can I do?

If you are in immediate danger, call 999. You can also seek protection from the family court, such as orders regulating who lives in the family home or preventing certain behaviours. Further information and support are available for individuals facing domestic abuse.

What if my spouse refuses to accept the divorce?

It is difficult to halt divorce proceedings. Disputes are limited and usually involve the validity of the marriage. Most often, the divorce will proceed even if one spouse does not cooperate.

What if my spouse refuses to acknowledge the divorce application?

If your spouse does not respond to the application within 14 days, you can arrange for the papers to be served in person by a court bailiff or process server. Once service is proven, you can proceed with the divorce, regardless of cooperation.

 

What is a conditional order?

A conditional order confirms that the court sees no reason to prevent your divorce. Although an important milestone, it does not end the marriage. Both parties remain legally married until the final order is granted.

 

What is a final order?

Six weeks after the conditional order, you can apply for the final order, which legally ends your marriage or civil partnership. Keep the final order safe for future use, such as if you remarry or revert to your maiden name. It’s generally advisable to finalize financial arrangements before applying for the final order.

How long does a divorce take?

On average, a divorce in England and Wales takes about six to eight months. There are waiting periods built into the process:

  • A 20-week cooling-off period after the court issues the application, before you can apply for a conditional order.
  • A six-week wait after the conditional order, before applying for the final order.
    Delays can occur due to lack of cooperation, complex financial or child-related issues, or court backlogs.

 

How much does a divorce cost?

The court fee for processing a divorce application is currently £593. Additional costs vary depending on complexity, legal representation, and whether financial or child arrangements are contested. Fixed-fee divorce options may be available. Handling the divorce yourself online avoids solicitor fees for the divorce process itself, but legal advice on finances is strongly recommended.

 

Can I get Legal Aid?

Legal aid for family law matters is limited and generally available only in cases involving domestic abuse, child welfare, or social services. We do not offer legal aid; check the government’s legal aid website for approved providers.

 

Who pays the legal fees in a divorce?

Typically, each person covers their own legal costs. The applicant pays the court fee. In a joint application, applicant 1 usually pays the fee. You can ask the court to order that costs be shared, but such orders are rare. Costs related to the divorce itself are separate from those incurred when resolving finances and/or child arrangements.

 

Do I need a solicitor?

You can file the divorce application yourself. However, it’s strongly advised to seek legal advice on financial settlements. A solicitor ensures that your financial arrangements are fair and legally binding.

 

Can I use the same solicitor as my spouse?

No. Using the same solicitor would create a conflict of interest. Both parties should seek independent legal advice.

 

Will involving divorce law specialists make the process more hostile?

Not at all. Many solicitors are members of Resolution, a group committed to resolving family issues without conflict. Specialist lawyers aim to reduce hostility, not increase it.

Will I have to go to court?

For the divorce process itself, you usually won’t need to attend court if both parties cooperate. If financial or child arrangements are agreed amicably, these can be formalized without a hearing. However, if no agreement is reached, you may need to attend court hearings.

Can I change my name after divorce?

You can change your name at any time by simply starting to use a new one. However, a deed poll or similar document is often required to update official records. You cannot change your children’s names without the other parent’s consent.

What if mental health issues affect one spouse’s ability to make decisions?

English law assesses capacity based on the specific decision at hand. If a spouse cannot understand and consider information related to financial settlements or divorce decisions, a doctor may be needed to assess their capacity. If they lack capacity, a ‘litigation friend’ can be appointed to make decisions in their best interests.

 

Are there alternatives to divorce?

Yes. Judicial separation, annulment, and separation agreements are possible alternatives. These options might suit those not ready for a full divorce.

 

What is collaborative divorce?

Collaborative divorce involves both parties and their solicitors committing to resolving issues without going to court. This process encourages open communication, reduces conflict, and allows couples to maintain control over decisions, particularly when children are involved.

 

What is mediation?

Mediation involves meeting with a neutral mediator to reach agreements on finances and child arrangements. It can be faster, cheaper, and less stressful than court. While the mediator does not provide legal advice, you can seek independent legal guidance alongside mediation. Agreements reached can be made legally binding with the help of a solicitor.

What is arbitration?

Arbitration is a form of dispute resolution where a neutral arbitrator acts like a judge, reviewing evidence and issuing a binding decision. Benefits include flexibility, confidentiality, and potentially lower costs compared to court. However, both parties must agree to arbitration, and fees for the arbitrator apply.

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